Starting over….again

About a week ago I watched a short video online giving a summary of the Qur’an in two sentences. The first sentence is “Accept Allah as master and accept yourself as slave.” This is a really tough one for me because I don’t like to think of myself as a slave. Everyone – even in the most dire circumstances – wants to feel they have choice and self determination. But I think this idea of accepting yourself as slave goes beyond our historical concept of the word. For me it is about not just worshipping only Allah, but accepting the tests you are given in life and learning to embrace your own path. Sometimes choice is about how you react to something and how you learn from it. Which is very easy to write, but very hard to do.

Just after I watched that video, I read a blog from a woman describing one of those days where you just want to mourn your losses and shut out the world. However, she ends on a beautifully positive note describing a nice cup of tea and giving it ‘another try.’

I highlight these pieces as I feel a little bit like the rug has been pulled out from under me, that the bottom has fallen out of my life. The specifics of what has happened are not important, and to be fair it is something I probably knew in my heart to be true and even right. But it is different to think something might be the truth compared to actually confirming it.

Bottom line, I feel like I am starting my life from scratch again. I have absolutely no idea where my life is headed, personally or professionally. And I don’t know where to start. Honestly, I am just too old for this.

But I know I have a choice. I can choose to accept that this is the path that Allah (swt) has given me and embrace it. I can choose to give it another try. I can choose not to be angry at my situation, and not to throw people out of my life because they are not going to play the role in my life that I wanted them.

So, where to I begin?

17 responses

  1. Whatever happens in your life is for the best but we can’t see it.This is my own quote but I would like to share with you.’Lower your head in humility and let Allah take you to your destination’ : ).

  2. Selam Californiahijab………i think everyone who is human has those moments in life. We have to remind ourselves of the “struggle” which Islam is defined as. Those are the times where prayer and embracing the moment really keep you on the path.

    On a different note …..can i ask your opinion on what is going on with the Pope resigning and the reasons behind it?

    • Wa Salam Yusuf.

      I think you are right. I am trying to really focus on my prayers. I always say that the biggest lesson for me that I will probably have to continue to learn is sabr — especially during times of struggle. Thank you for your words and support.

      I have to say I have not been following the news on the pope too closely. But from what I can gather a myriad of behind the scenes abuses are catching up to the papacy. He certainly isn’t the sole person to blame if this is the case — and am not sure if he is being made a scape goat or if he is trying to get out while the getting is good. Regardless, the whole structure and hierarchy of the papacy I think is more about protecting themselves and the image of the church, rather than serving God and helping the people.

      What do you think?

      • Reason why i asked about the pope is because it’s so much in the headlines and the fact that it made history being the first to resign in 600 years…….i don’t know much about the history but i was thinking same as you……there is more behind the scenes and it is very much hidden… gives me another reason to be thankful to Allah and embrace the wisdom and guidance without any third-party. You are not alone in trying to learn sabr….in this modern society i truely think that is the number one issue facing many….i struggle alot also….which i pray and ask for Allah’s guidance every day.

      • Alahamdulilah – a relationship with Allah (swt) without intermediaries.

        And may we both benefit from our struggles and learn sabr. 🙂

        Take care.

  3. Assalamualaikum! I watched the video too and made me think a lot about my current state. Whatever it is, make dua to Allah for guidance!

    • Salam Pink! Thanks for the words of encouragement! The hard part is that I don’t even know where to start. Other than praying. I guess I will have to pray a lot just now. But even just connecting with people like you helps. 🙂

      • You’re incredible. I find, focus on one steady foot hold at a time, climbing your way up. Before you know it, you will be looking out from the peak you want to be at… 😀

  4. Assalamu Alaikum – This post is a nice start! Alhamdulilah. Our eeman has increases and decreases. As long as after you bounce back you end up closer to Allah than before… I think you are heading in the right direction. Insha Allah. Maybe start with 2 rakahs for Allah and make towbah and ask for continued guidance. Take care!

  5. Assalamu Alaikum!
    This “slave” does not mean the slave we use for the people who are servants for example but in reality it means salvation from own self, needs and desires. As afr as the imaan is concerned we continuously have to balance it.
    Look how our Pious Caliphs and Holy Prophet (S.A.W.W) lived in this life very simple, down to earth. And even now 1400 years after they hold special place in our hearts that non could match. Satan worshiped Allah for more than 80,000 years but he lacked the faith, the down to earth behaviour.

    “And (remember) when We said to the angels: ‘Prostrate yourselves unto Adam.’ So they prostrated themselves except ‘Iblis’ (Satan). He was one of the jinn; he disobeyed the command of his Lord” (Quran, Al-Kahf: 50).

    “….And they prostrated except Iblis (Satan), he refused and was proud and was one of the disbelievers (disobedient to Allah)” (Quran, Al-Baqarah: 34).

    He(satan) was proud of himself thus with his disobedience he destroyed everything. Simply because he lacked Faith.

    Some are raised in ranks because of their obedience to Allah and others are dethroned because of their vanity.

    [“Satan and his army Weakens one’s faith and Eeman in Al-Qadr (Allah’s Divine Will) – Believing in Allah’s will is an integral part of a Muslim’s faith. Another common way for the Satan is, therefore, to make us compare our situations with those around us and leads us to feeling discontented with Allah’s will. Satan thus diverts our attention from accepting the will of Allah to focusing on those who may have more of this life’s luxuries and thus arousing feelings of envy and jealousy. He also presents this life as the sole prize that cannot be missed and thus induces in us discontentment with our present situations in life. “]

    And as far as we the human beings are concerned Allah has created us ONLY with his own hands and rest of creation planets, stars, jinn, angels with simple command “BE”.

    In English vocabulary SLAVE word for connection with Allah is MISLEADING, it does not mean its literal meaning.
    In Urdu language we have a special word for this that is “Banda” for males and “Bandi” for females, which mean someone whose connected to Allah. You can say a REPRESENTATIVE.

    But for literal SLAVE word there is another word “Ghulam”. But in english Slave is used for both.

    ALLAH also made his all angels Prostrate in front of Adam (PBUH), a human.

    When ALLAH (S.W.T) created mankind he said to angels I am sending my VICEGERENT on Earth. A CALIPH on entire other creations.
    So being Slave of ALLAH means VICEGERENT, CALIPH, REPRESENTATIVE. This is huge respect for us Human beings. No other creation of ALLAH is given so much as us(humans).

    I hope now you are happy being vicegerent, representative, caliph of ALLAH (S.W.T)


  6. If there’s one thing that life has taught me it’s that it’s never the way we think it oughta be. We plan and Allah plans, and no prizes for guessing which plan is greater. 🙂

    Don’t worry that your life is turning upside down.
    How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?
    ~ Jalaludin Rumi

    • Salam – you are so right! Being patient and trusting that there is a plan is very challenging for me. But it is also a relief to give up some of that control. 🙂 Beautiful quote from Rumi – Thank you.

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