Buyer’s Remorse

Salam sisters and brothers.

It has been a while since I have written. I have to say my move and new job have been more challenging than I anticipated. I have been really questioning whether this was the right decision, and thinking maybe my adventure abroad should come to an end – and I should just chuck it all and move back to California.

Part of it is just the logistics of the move and part is due to a difficult start in the new job. But it is more than that. I just don’t know what I am doing here or where I am headed. I have been feeling quite lost.

However, it is exactly times like these when I have to have even more faith and know that I just have to be patient, right?

A friend mentioned that part of my feeling – in addition to the normal challenge of an international move – may in part be due to the fact that I moved here to shift my priorities from my work life to my personal life, and my feeling of being lost is that I have ramped down work but still have to seek or find the focus of my personal life.

And a women I met recently reminded me that in life, as a Muslim, it is not about being rewarded or punished for what you have done in this world, but that when something good happens we must be grateful, and if something bad happens or something is difficult, it is a test and we must be patient. We must remember that we cannot see the greater context of things and Allah (swt) knows and sees what is best.

So, I am not entirely sure how to continue building my new life here. I have been visiting Mosques and I am taking a class to learn to read and recite the Quran. And there is a person here who has been an incredible anchor for me and whom I hope will become an even bigger part of my life.

I think perhaps I need to be patient with myself and the journey,  and stay committed to the reasons I moved here.

My biggest challenge and my biggest area of growth as a Muslim since day one has been sabr.

How do you stay patient through challenging times?

7 responses

  1. You remind me of me three years ago, July 2009 adjusting to a completely new city, although within the same country. For a long time I struggled to hold onto my faith that something fantastic was meant to happen for me in a brand new city that I was determined to call home. Call it gut instinct or just plain intuition, but you have to trust in Allah in His reasons for placing you there, even if circumstances are dictating it to you differently. You’ve made istikhiraa, now it’s just a matter of living out the life God has for you, which really, life is what happens to you while you’re making plans. As in, I had to learn to relax, take it easy on myself, and just enjoy whatever the day unfolds. It was not easy, extremely difficult, and many times I wanted to quit. But something inside me told me to stick it out, and really, it does pay off. It just might not happen in the same time frame as you expect.

    So try to give yourself some time to adjust, focus on the things that you do like, however small they are, and before you know it, you may just find yourself a new home. Insha’Allah. Allah knows best.

    Pink.

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